Packing, etc.

16 Jun

So the much anticipated move to Hawaii is finally happening.  Packing is hard but saying good-bye is even harder.  I keep telling my friends that I plan to psyche them out and disappear without having to say any real farewells.  They haven’t taken kindly to that idea.

Really though, I don’t feel like I’m saying good-bye to Portland, my best friends, or my lover.  It’s more like, “see you next week! I’m off to do some soul searching.”  I guess I’m the only one who sees it that way.

I want to tell everyone that I’m going to Hawaii to become a writer.  That I’m going to Hawaii for love.  That I’m going because I have to.  I really don’t have a plan, but it feels like the beginning of a fantastic adventure.  There are always tears at the beginning of those.

In the end, the point of this post is to inform my readers that I will be very busy over the next two weeks and therefore somewhat less likely to post.  It’s a bit of a roller coaster for everyone involved, but I promise that I’m not saying good-bye!  I’ll be back to my lascivious postings in two shakes.  In the mean time, inspirational erotica is much appreciated at


Everyone Knows What You Do With That Hitachi

11 Jun

Good Vibes Personal Massager Model VB-8

Aside from excessive amounts of lounging and reading, there’s nothing better than a little antique shopping when you’re on vacation.   And what better for a sex blogger to buy at an antique sale than a vibrator?  Oh, excuse me, did I say vibrator?  I meant personal massager, of course.

Okay, this vibrator is actually for my shoulders (only because I got it used and I don’t trust the electronics of it near my nether parts) but if you’ve been keeping up with She Bop’s blog, you’ll see that even the coveted Hitachi Magic Wand was once marketed as a personal massage device before it exploded in the porn industry. Actually, electric vibrators are still marketed as massage devices for the most part, but we’ll come to that in a bit.

Since we live in the modern day with artsy new toys and you probably wouldn’t go back to the fifties for the vibrators even if you had a choice, I found a few places where you can gander at some scary contraptions for your naughty bits.  Mike’s Antique Vibrator and Quack Medicine Museum consists of photos and descriptions of vibrators from one man’s collection.  He has some seriously funky stuff on there and it’s definitely worth a bit of browsing.

Then there’s the slightly more famous Good Vibrations Vibrator Museum.  Joani Blank, the founder of San Francisco’s revolutionary sex shop, started the collection of antique vibes which is now carried on by the company and displayed in their stores.  On the Good Vibrations website you can read about how “hysteria” in women was treated with vibrators and how vibrators were marketed as household beauty appliances and cure-all’s.  You can also learn about the place vibrators hold in our culture today.  And if you’re not completely freaked out by the idea of a vibrator after taking a gander at their galleries, they provide a handy link to their more contemporary vibes.

I think it’s amazing that we live in a culture that allows us to shop for vibrators as vibrators.

Wait a minute, I distinctly remember a sticker on my first vibrator that said “novelty” and I know Sharper Image still sells “personal massagers” that we all know are taken home and put immediately down someone’s pants.  Seriously, where else besides Cosmo (who published a cute article last month) and your favorite reviewer’s website have you seen a real ad for a vibe?  Maybe the vibrator isn’t a “cure-all” (though there are days when I would sincerely beg to differ) but it’s still a pretty darn good time.  And if you think you’re playing high and mighty by grabbing  a personal massager, you don’t have me fooled.

Seaweed Is All the Rage

6 Jun

If you’ve recently been lube shopping or just catching up on the latest and greatest in sexually transmitted ickiness (that’s what STI stands for, right?), you’ve probably come across some info about Carrageenan.  Extracted from red alge, this sexy sounding compound is popping up in personal lubricants all over the place.  So, how do you sell a lube that’s made out of algae to the masses?  Well, marketing it as a miracle drug seems to be working pretty well.

In recent studies, carrageenan has been shown to inhibit the transmission of HPV (a really scary virus).  I don’t speak Science, so I read this article to get a little perspective.

Normally, HPV attacks cells by attaching to proteins on their surface and then chemically manipulating access to the cells. Carrageenan thwarts this process by attaching to HPV and preventing its entry into cells.

Okay, so that’s AWESOME. And lubricant companies are in luck because most of them were already using carrageenan as a gelling agent in their products anyway.  Isn’t it a beautiful coincidence that something that was already present in a sexy lube is also helpful in inhibiting an un-sexy disease?

Let’s be realistic: carrageenan doesn’t replace the HPV vaccine.  On the other hand, that vaccine is very, VERY expensive.  For those of us who are too poor or unable to access proper gynecological attention, carrageenan could be a nice layer of added protection.  That said, there isn’t a lube out there that has gone through a clinical trial that could recommend it for an effective HPV inhibitor.

When carrageenan actually finds its place in the miracle drug market, there shall be much rejoicing.  BUT! That doesn’t mean we should stop wearing condoms and tell our partners to go ahead and skip that STI testing we wanted them to get done.  HPV is just one of the many monsters under the bed.

Enough of that.  The next lube on my “to buy” list is actually a carrageenan containing mixture from Sliquid Oranics.  I’ve read great things and it includes a bunch of seaweed extracts in the mix for an extra slick factor.  On the off chance that it’ll prevent me from getting HPV, I’ll take it…but I’m still going in for my annual.


Sex & Lotion

3 Jun

I am obsessed with ALL THINGS COCONUT.  Maybe it’s my imminent move to Honolulu, but I bought three variations of coconut body spray the other day (Hawaiian Coconut, Vanilla Coconut, and Pineapple Coconut).  Nobody needs that much coconut (or body spray, for that matter).

But my FAVORITE coconutty thing is this lotion.  I can go through a tube of this stuff faster than I go through toothpaste.  After the shower, before bed, on my lunch break, before sex, this lotion and I make sweet, sticky love.

Though I would love to write about ways to use coconuts while having sex (cut a coconut in half and bang the halves together to emulate the sound of a horses hooves…), I thought it would be ever so slightly more helpful if I wrote about the DO’s and DON’T’s of using lotion in the sack.

DO give a massage.  There’s nothing more fantastic than a sexy rubdown after a long day of work or just a day apart. The massage itself doesn’t need to be erotic (since you’ll probably be ripping your clothes off after a half hour of touching each other anyway) but if you want to throw some tantra into your bedroom, I have a couple links for you.   Erotic massage for men here and women here. But before you break out the lotion and start rubbing, keep reading!

DON’T use just any lotion for genital massage.  When you purchase massage lotion, you need to check if it’s safe for internal use before you start rubbing it into your lover’s sensitive bits. Even if the lotion claims to be safe for internal use, test a small area of your lover’s skin before dumping the bottle between their legs.  Nobody likes when sex turns into a hospital visit. That said…

DON’T use lotion as lube.  Lotion isn’t made to be used for slicking up your lover’s cock or your favorite sex toy before penetration.  For that, you’re gonna want some lube.  There are lots of people on the internet who will tell you that lotion is perfect for anal sex (hell, I used to do it!) but please, just buy yourself a bottle of lube.  If you’re going for the moisturizing effect on your bum hole, why don’t you try a lube with some added aloe?  This one is a personal favorite.

DO use lotion after shaving your delicate parts.  Razor burn is icky and painful…and icky.  Moisturize before, during, and after the shaving process if you plan on de-hairing your Berry Patch.  Afterwards, walk around naked for a bit.  Wearing tight clothing (like panties) after shaving can irritate your recently exposed skin.  Plus, who doesn’t get a little thrill from being naked?

Finally, DO pay attention to what ingredients go into your lotion and lube.  If you wouldn’t put it in your mouth, don’t put it on or inside you (you’d be amazed at how many situations where that logic applies).  I’m not about to start guzzling lube, but I won’t put anything on my lady bits that I wouldn’t mind getting in my mouth.  Your skin may not have taste buds, but the things you put on your skin are entering your body.

Okay, now go have some fun with lotion!  I’m going to go fantasize about a coconutty cocktail on the beach…

New Read: The Mistress Manual

30 May

I’m trying to keep things kinky with my next book, The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance.  I’ve never had the honor of working with or disciplining a sub, but I thought I should probably learn the ins and outs of the Dominatrix trade before I start whipping some poor, unsuspecting sub.

Mistress Lorelei (named for Germany’s siren of the Rhine River) works as a freelance writer and editor when she’s not flogging up a storm.  Her website (also titled The Mistress Manual) covers a range of topics on which she offers her opinions, experiences, and advice.

The Mistress Manual deals with “Domestic Discipline” as opposed to “Leather”.  Domestic Discipline (DD) appears to differ from Leather in that the former focuses on pain as punishment and the latter on pain as pleasure.  Though the two can overlap, DD appears to be a more subdued form of Leather with an emphasis on humiliation.  I’ve never come across this term before, but I hope to be better equipped to provide a definition once I’ve finished Mistress Lorelei’s book.

If you’d like to follow along (and make my life MUCH more exciting by giving me some lovely people to discuss the book with when I’m finished) you can buy it here.  (The ebook version is only $9.99 guys!).

Hands Across Hawthorne

30 May

I went.  It rained.  And it was glorious.

We spanned the entire bridge, two people deep at points.  Cars honked and cheered us.  It felt great to be a part of this display of support for the queer culture in Portland. It’s so unfortunate that people still need to fear retribution for displaying affection, especially in the friendly city of Portland.

Among those in attendance were Byron Beck, Sam Adams, and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.  I fell in with a group of activists who made me feel welcome and seemed to know everyone (though I will never get used to fellow queers making off color comments about the LGBT community.  It’s a turn off, even if you’re trying to be humorously self-deprecating).

Portland, you continue to be pretty damn awesome.

Book Review: Living M/s

30 May

Let’s start with the disclaimers.  I’m not an actively aspiring Mistress (or slave for that matter).  I have very little experience in the kink and BDSM scene up to this point and though I like my sex and pornography a little rough around the edges, I’m no Dominatrix (yet).

That said, am I the intended audience for this text?  Probably not.  But I read it anyway (because that’s just the kind of hairpin I am).  So let’s get started.

If you went to the kind of high school that I did, you undoubtedly saw at least a couple of the “goth” kids wearing collars and leashed to their S.O.  Up to this point, my conception of an M/s relationship fluctuated between that image of my 16 year old classmates chained to each other and that of a kinky relationship that takes place in a dungeon and revolves around constant, explicit, BDSM sex.  The latter sounds pretty damn hot (though I’m pretty sure I’d get tired of it after a few hours) but neither of those scenarios match up with the truth behind an M/s relationship as shown by Dan and dawn in their book.

Master and slave, all day, all night, all year, Dan and dawn have found a way to live their healthy, fulfilling lives in the context of a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship.  Sure, it took me a good twenty pages to stop cringing whenever I saw dawn’s name spelled with a lowercase ‘d’ and hearing her refer to her husband as Master Dan was hard to swallow at first.  But try as I might, I couldn’t find an aspect of their relationship that was unhealthy.  In fact, my biggest beef with this book was that so many of the elements they stressed as integral to an M/s relationship were things that should be present in ANY healthy relationship.  Honesty, growth, trust, respect? If you don’t have those in any relationship, you’re doing it wrong.

In my eyes, an M/s relationship is a separate but equal phenomenon to it’s vanilla counterpart.  dawn had a negative experience in her vanilla relationship before realizing that she was better suited to be a slave in an M/s relationship.  But that doesn’t surprise me.  If I had started off in an M/s relationship and inevitably decided it wasn’t for me, I would be dissatisfied with that model.  That doesn’t entitle me to make derogatory statements about the M/s lifestyle as a whole, especially if the Master I had chosen didn’t cultivate a healthy environment for a relationship.

dawn says:

“In a vanilla context, we are discourage from asking for what we want (it’s seen as pushy and impolite); at the same time, we are equally pressured not to refuse someone elses desires (even if we believe doing so would be against that person’s best interest or that of the relationship).  Self-sacrifice is promoted as honorable.”

If that’s what a healthy vanilla relationship looks like then I must be doing it wrong because that description couldn’t be farther from my truth.  Even if I’m not the intended audience, bashing the vanilla lifestyle doesn’t need to happen in order to promote M/s.  As I said, they’re both valid for different people and neither one is more open to corruption than the other.

But that’s just one section of the book.  From the rest, I learned a number of interesting tidbits.  As for the difference between M/s and BDSM, I learned that the former is a lifestyle while the latter is a way to play.  Collaring ceremonies are a beautiful version of a commitment ceremony but aren’t necessarily the same as marriage.  Leather and M/s are two separate entities (I’ll be talking about that in my next post so I’ll leave it at that) and just because you’re a slave doesn’t mean you don’t have a life and passions outside the home (dawn, for example, is an ordained interfaith priestess and has recently returned to school to receive her degree in psychology).

dawn says:

“Because of my Master’s support and his belief in me, I’m able to do most anything to which I set my mind.  I have power;  he has power – and he has control.  So although I have power, it is through his control that I experience that power, under his protection and guidance.”

That works for her and all I can say is, rock on!

I don’t have the space in this post to talk about everything that Dan and dawn touch on (you’ll just have to read their book for yourself).  It takes a lot of space to talk about the complexities of any relationship and theirs is as complex as any other (not to mention the bias they’re working against).

This being their first book as a unit, I hope they continue to share their experiences with the world.  Their next book could certainly do with fewer exclamation notes and slightly better organization (anecdotes were repeated a number of times and the chronology of their relationship was unclear to the point that I had no real context in which to place many of the individual the stories they shared), but it promises to be as intriguing as the last.

To learn more about Dan and dawn Williams and their relationship, check out their website, Erotic Awakening where you can listen to their podcasts and get in touch with their community if you so desire.  To Dan and dawn, thank you for sharing your experiences with the rest of us!  I look forward to seeing more of what you can accomplish.

Note: the screen name Mistress Pineapple is not my attempt at mocking the M/s lifestyle but rather a way for me to dig the concept of having a title (such as Marquis, Count, Duke, etc).  I shoulda been born as landed gentry in the eighteenth century, man…