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Wagging My Tongue for PSB

4 Sep

Now that the hazy halo of Hawai’i has had a chance to lose it’s sparkle, it’s time to dust off Mistress Pineapple’s sexy-voice and get back to some NSFW blogging.

So far, life in paradise has been relatively tame.  I’ve done the obligatory tour of Dole Plantation, somehow gotten a tan, met a group of amazing people in the Chinatown performing arts scene, and have been holding down a respectable job for the past month.  The weather is unbeatable, the Hawaiian language is getting easier to pronounce, and the way that people give directions based solely on landmarks is beginning to make a bit more sense.  I’d say I’m pretty well adjusted.

But where are the sexy bits? Where is the juice!  Fear not, my dear reader, I’m getting to that.

It all started this morning when my lover and I were trying to make the most of the hour before he needed to jet off to work.  There’s nothing like some conflicting schedules and busy weeks to set the scene for some Saturday afternoon romance.  Despite the fact that I was in a rotten mood for no particular reason, I was not about to let this slip through my fingers.

My lover made the thrilling descent towards my lady bits and began the seductive ritual of tongue in vulva.   But, something was off.  My lover is a passionate and skilled man, but the fact of the matter is, cunnilingus is more of a special for us, than a regular menu item.  Teaching your partner how to tend to your lady bits with his or her mouth is a long and arduous process, especially when you’re in a bad mood.

First off, nobody likes to be told that they’re doing something wrong while they’re in the sexy zone (unless you’re doing some BDSM play, in which case carry on). Alas, it can’t be helped.  Everybody’s got some complicated machinery down there and it takes a little lesson planning to get things right. Just because I enjoy giving fellatio and I have a number of tools in my kit doesn’t mean that I can skip the trial and error phase with a new partner to figure out what they like.

As our spirits were dropping, my lover made an observation that I later found echoed in my sex bible, The Guide To Getting It On.  Sex (and oral sex in particular) is a very mental act and if you’re pushing the wrong kinds of buttons, nothing is going to be getting off.  In other words, leaving the mental “sexy zone” to instruct can be frustrating and you both need to be patient.

So, what have I learned today?  Well, don’t attempt to instruct your partner in advanced sexual acts when you’re incredibly grumpy. Oh, and taking a hiatus from Pineapple Sex Bomb results in an excessively long post upon my return. Happy Sexing!

 

 

Link for Giggles

24 May

Just for giggles.

Florida: Sex and Cheeseburgers

13 May

First of all, no.  Florida has not outlawed sex despite what you may have heard.  What actually happened: our dear Floridian’s passed a law that forbids “sex with animals”.  Oooh yes, my snarky readers, you are probably sniggering into your tea, thinking “How stupid of them! Humans are animals too!” Welp, I hate to break it to you, but a blogger at Southern Fried Science beat you to it.  And honestly, I would keep that tidbit to snarky tidbit to yourself unless you want the lovely Violet Blue giving you a dishonorable mention on her blog.

And V.B. has a point.  Sure, it’s funny that laws about bestiality are so flimsily worded and headlines like “FL just outlawed sex” certainly grab your attention.  But when you strip it all down to the fundamentals, we’re pretty much all missing the point.  Bestiality isn’t particularly funny and I think most of us can agree in finding the trauma and injuries inflicted on animals being used for sexual gratification upsetting.  We’re adults.  We don’t need to be torturing animals.  We know better, right?

Well, maybe not.  Think for a moment about the ordeal that animals intended for slaughter go through.  Is that any less disturbing to you? (If it’s not, you may want to do a little light reading about the unethical farming that going on.)  Maybe it’s easier to say boo to sex than it is to torture.

I in no way wish to condone bestiality.  Rather, I’d like to encourage thinking about animal rights in a different light.  Bestiality sucks, but so does letting our future hamburgers stew in their own filth and live in conditions we would never allow our prized dogs live in.  I’m not a vegetarian (before you ask) but I do purchase ethically treated animal products whenever I can.

Anywho, I don’t really like to rant on this blog.  I just thought it was worth mentioning.  If you want a much more academic take on all of this, you should definitely go to tinynibbles.com.  On a kind of funny note, Germany just called Denmark a big animal whorehouse.

Where I’ll Be

15 Apr

Tonight I’ll be attending the Lucky Devil Lounge’s annual Portland Pin-Up Contest. Eleven lovely ladies will be competing for the title at what promises to be a steamy evening. This is my first strip club experience and I can barely wait!