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Everyone Knows What You Do With That Hitachi

11 Jun

Good Vibes Personal Massager Model VB-8

Aside from excessive amounts of lounging and reading, there’s nothing better than a little antique shopping when you’re on vacation.   And what better for a sex blogger to buy at an antique sale than a vibrator?  Oh, excuse me, did I say vibrator?  I meant personal massager, of course.

Okay, this vibrator is actually for my shoulders (only because I got it used and I don’t trust the electronics of it near my nether parts) but if you’ve been keeping up with She Bop’s blog, you’ll see that even the coveted Hitachi Magic Wand was once marketed as a personal massage device before it exploded in the porn industry. Actually, electric vibrators are still marketed as massage devices for the most part, but we’ll come to that in a bit.

Since we live in the modern day with artsy new toys and you probably wouldn’t go back to the fifties for the vibrators even if you had a choice, I found a few places where you can gander at some scary contraptions for your naughty bits.  Mike’s Antique Vibrator and Quack Medicine Museum consists of photos and descriptions of vibrators from one man’s collection.  He has some seriously funky stuff on there and it’s definitely worth a bit of browsing.

Then there’s the slightly more famous Good Vibrations Vibrator Museum.  Joani Blank, the founder of San Francisco’s revolutionary sex shop, started the collection of antique vibes which is now carried on by the company and displayed in their stores.  On the Good Vibrations website you can read about how “hysteria” in women was treated with vibrators and how vibrators were marketed as household beauty appliances and cure-all’s.  You can also learn about the place vibrators hold in our culture today.  And if you’re not completely freaked out by the idea of a vibrator after taking a gander at their galleries, they provide a handy link to their more contemporary vibes.

I think it’s amazing that we live in a culture that allows us to shop for vibrators as vibrators.

Wait a minute, I distinctly remember a sticker on my first vibrator that said “novelty” and I know Sharper Image still sells “personal massagers” that we all know are taken home and put immediately down someone’s pants.  Seriously, where else besides Cosmo (who published a cute article last month) and your favorite reviewer’s website have you seen a real ad for a vibe?  Maybe the vibrator isn’t a “cure-all” (though there are days when I would sincerely beg to differ) but it’s still a pretty darn good time.  And if you think you’re playing high and mighty by grabbing  a personal massager, you don’t have me fooled.

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She Bop Trip & New Toys

20 May

Having waited patiently all week for my day off, it finally arrived with sunshine and a light breeze.  I finished the portrait that’s been haunting me and hopped on a bus to She Bop (because what better way for a hard-working barista to spend her day off than buying toys for her sexy bits?).

She Bop was just as fantastic this time around as the last.  They helped me pick out this lube after sampling all the fancy bottles.  It feels like oil (which is what I was initially expecting with lube) and is made from glycine soya, which means you can use it with latex because it’s made from soy bean oil. I will definitely be combining this wonderful massage oil-like purchase with a fantastic new erotica collection tonight….

As for the toy, I bought something excessively glittery.  Le Boyfriend and I have been tossing around the idea of anal sex and I figure I’ve got about a month before I meet up with him on Oahu so I bought this little something to get used to the idea.  I’ve done the dirty from the back door a few times in the past, but it’s never been the most comfortable experience.  At this point, I’m chalking that up to a lack of experience and research.  Updates to follow.

So that’s been my sexy day.  Got a little more of Story of O read on the bus today and I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll have a review from Ms. Sex eLibrarian by the end of next week.  Stay tuned, my sexy readers!

Loving The D Today

18 May

And by loving it, I mean I just ordered my copy of Candy Rain Magazine, a sexy, pornographic publication that highlights the all-mouthwatering boner.  Since I missed out on the first issue I couldn’t tell you exactly what goes on between those glossy covers, but my mouth is watering just writing about it.  In honor of this tasty purchase, here are a few ways to appreciate the D in your life (and if you’re one of the many who just don’t have the need for any penis in your life, skip this post altogether or just read #5):

1. If you’re one of those aforementioned people who would in fact like to poke a penis in their mouth (and you live in PDX) sign up for SheBop’s fellatio workshop in June!  According to their event description, the workshop is also open to people who like to stick their penises in other people’s mouths, which sounds pretty righteous.  Giving head to a dude who doesn’t know what he wants can definitely be fun at first (because you can shock the pants off of him with your mad skills) but gets old when you want to branch out and he’s never heard of the thing you’re trying to put your tongue on.  I am SUPER EXCITED to attend.

2.  Buy a Tenga Egg for a man friend.  They’re essentially little disposable, ribbed, tubesocks that are lubed for masturbation purposes.  I’m still trying to coax one of the men in my life to give it a shot.  If you’re feeling slightly more adventurous (and generous), these look pretty sweet too.

3. LUBE.  That is all.  (He will know what to do with it.)

4. If the D in your life is a D that likes some tattooed lady bits to get off to, buy him a month of Suicide Girls.  What a nice way to unwind.

5.  Last, and pretty much most important of all, do you know what misandry means?  I just learned this word today on the blog Feminisnt and it means “hatred of males”, which is something I come across rarely but surely.  Don’t be hatin’.  Whether you want to poke a penis in your mouth or not, having one doesn’t mean you’re a hateworthy person.  Misandry is definitely as sucky as misogyny so don’t do it.

On that note, have a rockin’ day and take some time to appreciate the sexy bits of life!

Lusting Over Bondage is Distracting

16 May

I’m in the middle of the Story of O and therefore slightly distracted research-wise.  Books consume me (especially books with such strong psychological and philosophical overtones) and I have a hard time getting anything else done….except surf the web for sex toys.  As a result, there’s definitely a bondage theme to this post (and my life right now).

First off, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about donning a strap-on for about a week now.  I’ve only had sex with a couple of women (and only a couple of times) but never used a serious toy.  I don’t have a female sexual partner at the moment, but that hasn’t stopped me from fantasizing up a storm.  This is the sexy, ruffly, strap-on harness I’ve been lusting after (because who doesn’t need more ruffles in their life?).

As for handcuffs, I want something epically Victorian.  Lacing, leather, and maybe some ruffles, and I’d be in heaven.  Unfortunately, I don’t know where to find handcuffs like these.  I’ve surfed my favorite sex toy shops and found nothing, and googling “handcuffs” leads to all sorts of disturbing online shops.  If anyone reads this and knows where I can find some, (maybe somewhere that sells goth clothing?) LINK ME PLEASE.

After all the “Lovers of Roissy” business, I also can’t find enough excuses to wear my beautiful, light blue satin corset.  If I just had the full skirt and appropriate buckles . . . Let’s just say that I’d need to find a way to fill my house with available men in purple capes.

So, I really REALLY need to get off the internet, stop shopping for sex toys, and get some work done.  I’ve had a half finished painting haunting half the useable space in my tiny studio for a week and way more laundry than one person should ever be forced to do hanging out in my closet.  But most exciting of all (for me), I have some steamy, sultry, and totally naughty ideas floating around in my head for a bit of erotica.  Stay tuned.