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Sexy Bunnies

10 Jul

Miss February

There’s nothing quite like Powell’s (the epic city block of new & used books in Portland) but with all the rain and potential beach-time in Hawaii, I’ve had to quest for island bookstores for some cheap, ratty paperbacks to brave the elements.  Of the places the boyfriend and I have visited so far, Rainbow Books & Records is the only one that has something Powell’s lacks: le porn.

Tucked away in the back of Rainbow (not a gay bookstore, alas) is a fairly sizable wall of porn stocked with used magazines, VHS tapes, and DVDs.  The VHS tapes were a tad dusty but the DVD section was pretty well stocked with your typical cheesy porno selection.  But the magazines…were fabulous. Most of them were totally old-school and damn cute. If it weren’t mildly creepy buying the equivalent to a used, glossy tubesock, I would have walked out with an armload.

I’ve never been one for getting my porn in hard copy, but last week while zoning out to a few of my friends killing zombies on their xbox, I grabbed a Playboy mag from their coffee table and started flipping through (if I’m gonna be bored, I might as well be bored and horny).  If you’ve never tried to read a Playboy I’ll save you the disappointment right now: there are maybe ten pages of porn.  Maybe.  The rest is skeezy ads and side-(fake)boob.  But! There was a saving grace: the old-school playboy bunnies in the middle.

Furry, curvy, and real, the bunnies from the fifties and sixties were adorable.  Their backdrops and settings were less trucks and American flags and more libraries and living rooms and their makeup was meant to look theatrically sultry, not streetwalker slutty.  What’s funny to me is that I don’t feel like “natural” women were more mainstream then than they are now.  Isn’t it funny to think that though we’ve made huge steps towards gender equality, the women appearing in porn now are more unrealistic than the one’s we see back in the 50s?  Not that I’d say these ladies are at all average, and they’re fake in their own ways, but their bodies seem a whole lot more attainable to lil’ ol’ me.

Anywho, off the soapbox and onto le sexy bits.  If you’d like to gander at some sexy ladies, I regret to inform you that I couldn’t find the segment in Playboy online that I looked at last week, but I did come across this album, which is perhaps a tad hotter.  Enjoy!

Return to Erotica

27 May

I started writing erotica in the seventh grade.  Fancying myself a writer, I spent hours crafting emo vampire stories on the family computer.  I wrote whatever made me happy.  Writing fiction gives you a feeling of ultimate power.  You control the plot, the characters, the feelings.  The world is basically at your fingertips.

After a few hours of ruling my fictional world, the story would inevitably turn to sex.  Power always goes to my pants.  Anyhow, once things git racey I would shut down the computer and traipse up to my bedroom with pen and paper.  Propped up in bed (door open and lights on, as per the rules) my characters would carry out the darkest sexual fantasies that a thirteen-year-old virgin can come up with.

These clandestine writing sessions always ended in me rubbing myself to orgasm through my jeans.  I didn’t know what a clitoris or an orgasm were at that point (I didn’t learn those things until well after my eighteenth birthday), but I knew that if I wrote about sex for long enough, I could experience something more powerful than anything I had ever felt, even if I was overwhelmed by a vague sense of guilt afterwards.

After each conclusion, the little notebook with my fantasies would be tucked into the back of my closet behind the Barbies.  It seemed like a great hiding place until my mom uncovered it while she was cleaning.  Thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed, I shredded each and every page and flushed them down the toilet.  That remains one of the most prominent memories in my life and that feeling of shame still shapes my life.

Despite being found out by my mom, I tried my hand at erotica a few times after that; Sometimes my parents found it and sometimes they didn’t.  But after a while I realized that no matter how much my writing improved, I’d never be able to publish any of it without shaming my family.  So I stopped.

Years later (a couple of days ago), I sat down to type up a fantasy that had been bouncing around my head.  Keeping this blog must have lowered my inhibitions, because out it came. Juicy page after juicy page poured out until I had to stop and find my vibrator.

I’m not trying to blame my family for a lack of support for my erotica.  I grew up with amazing parents who gave me a very happy childhood.  But now I’ve grown up (who am I kidding?  I am the worst adult ever…) and I’m rediscovering my fantasies.  Sure, I’m still kind of a crummy fiction writer, but I am having a ball!  I’m still trying to decide if I want to post my fiction here on this blog or submit it to literotica, but I’m sure I’ll fill you all in as soon as I decide.

Loving The D Today

18 May

And by loving it, I mean I just ordered my copy of Candy Rain Magazine, a sexy, pornographic publication that highlights the all-mouthwatering boner.  Since I missed out on the first issue I couldn’t tell you exactly what goes on between those glossy covers, but my mouth is watering just writing about it.  In honor of this tasty purchase, here are a few ways to appreciate the D in your life (and if you’re one of the many who just don’t have the need for any penis in your life, skip this post altogether or just read #5):

1. If you’re one of those aforementioned people who would in fact like to poke a penis in their mouth (and you live in PDX) sign up for SheBop’s fellatio workshop in June!  According to their event description, the workshop is also open to people who like to stick their penises in other people’s mouths, which sounds pretty righteous.  Giving head to a dude who doesn’t know what he wants can definitely be fun at first (because you can shock the pants off of him with your mad skills) but gets old when you want to branch out and he’s never heard of the thing you’re trying to put your tongue on.  I am SUPER EXCITED to attend.

2.  Buy a Tenga Egg for a man friend.  They’re essentially little disposable, ribbed, tubesocks that are lubed for masturbation purposes.  I’m still trying to coax one of the men in my life to give it a shot.  If you’re feeling slightly more adventurous (and generous), these look pretty sweet too.

3. LUBE.  That is all.  (He will know what to do with it.)

4. If the D in your life is a D that likes some tattooed lady bits to get off to, buy him a month of Suicide Girls.  What a nice way to unwind.

5.  Last, and pretty much most important of all, do you know what misandry means?  I just learned this word today on the blog Feminisnt and it means “hatred of males”, which is something I come across rarely but surely.  Don’t be hatin’.  Whether you want to poke a penis in your mouth or not, having one doesn’t mean you’re a hateworthy person.  Misandry is definitely as sucky as misogyny so don’t do it.

On that note, have a rockin’ day and take some time to appreciate the sexy bits of life!

Beautiful Pornography: Handcuffs

16 May

As I was poking around the internet and trying to cheer myself up after a very long day at work, I came across a video clip from a production written and directed by a woman named Erika Lust.  I’m probably TOTALLY out of the loop on this one, but for those of you who aren’t already aware: Erika Lust makes a fantasticly juicy bit of pornography.

Okay, okay, so I haven’t seen a full video of any of her porn but the few clips I’ve seen tonight have my mouth watering for more.  Moistened flesh meets erotically with fabulous costumes.  Women obtain their pleasure  while men derive theirs as well.  Never have I felt so classy and innocuous watching sexual acts being performed.

My words fall short of the videos themselves and I hesitate to continue reviewing something that I’ve only tasted.  So, in keeping with my current bondage themed life and blogging, I wanted to share Lust’s clip entitled “Handcuffs”.  The explicit version is here.