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Sex On Le Beach

5 Jul

Day Three on Oahu and I finally squeezed into my bikini and convinced the boyfriend to chauffeur me up to Hale’iwa for a dip.  Our favorite beach (okay, so I’ve only been there once) was almost empty and the smell of a few bonfire barbeques and the salty sea had my libido rearin’ to go.  Before you get your pants off, there was no sex on the beach.  Not the cocktail, and not the sex.

I’m not disappointed.  In fact, the boyfriend and I have a rule against sex on the beach; I’m not a big fan of crabs and he’s not a big fan of exfoliating his man bits.  I’m sure we’ll end doing it at least once if we stay in Hawai’i for the intended two years, but I’m just not thrilled about it. Sure, it’s romantic, makes for a great sexy movie scene, and it’s pretty much a requirement if you go on a tropical honeymoon, but meh.

Right about now you’re probably thinking this is the most boring sex blogger I’ve ever come across,  but! I am not alone (seriously, click that link.  It’s hilarious).  If you’re still absolutely convinced that sex on the beach is the most totally romantic thing you could possibly accomplish in your sexy life, I have waded through the seemingly endless sea of pornography and cocktail recipes to provide you with an informative how-to link on doing the dirty in the sand.

And  now for some sexy beach action from the movie rendition of From Here to Eternity:

Packing, etc.

16 Jun

So the much anticipated move to Hawaii is finally happening.  Packing is hard but saying good-bye is even harder.  I keep telling my friends that I plan to psyche them out and disappear without having to say any real farewells.  They haven’t taken kindly to that idea.

Really though, I don’t feel like I’m saying good-bye to Portland, my best friends, or my lover.  It’s more like, “see you next week! I’m off to do some soul searching.”  I guess I’m the only one who sees it that way.

I want to tell everyone that I’m going to Hawaii to become a writer.  That I’m going to Hawaii for love.  That I’m going because I have to.  I really don’t have a plan, but it feels like the beginning of a fantastic adventure.  There are always tears at the beginning of those.

In the end, the point of this post is to inform my readers that I will be very busy over the next two weeks and therefore somewhat less likely to post.  It’s a bit of a roller coaster for everyone involved, but I promise that I’m not saying good-bye!  I’ll be back to my lascivious postings in two shakes.  In the mean time, inspirational erotica is much appreciated at pineapplesexbomb@gmail.com.

Introducing Ms. Sex eLibrarian

19 May

As some of you may know, I’ll be moving to Honolulu in a little over a month.  Everything I own – with the exception of two suitcases worth of the necessities – will be going into storage.  I didn’t realize how materialistic I’d become until I started shoving my MASSIVE book collection into boxes and ended up crying in the middle of my floor. (Dramatic? Why yes, I tend to be that way.)

SO, like an adult I’ve decided to make an adventure out of this hiatus from my book collection (okay maybe that’s not terribly grown up of me but just roll with it).  Over the next two years I’ll be attempting only to amass books which relate to my (hopefully) future field of study and current area of interest: SEX.  Using my EPIC research and writing skills, so tenderly cultivated as an undergraduate, I’ll be posting my learnings here.

Ideally I would like this to evolve into a discussion forum for books on sexuality, sexual health, erotica, pornography, stripping, prostitution and anything else the talented masses can come up with and publish.  As I begin new books for review I’ll post their title in my twitter so you can follow along or just read a summary before my review is posted.   Some of the time I’m going to be WAY behind the times (I’m reading the Story of O right now) but I figure if I haven’t read it, someone else hasn’t either.

Suggestions?  Feedback? Shoot me a sassy email at pineapplesexbomb@gmail.com.

Saving It

26 Apr

I’ve been getting a bit of flack through the grapevine lately and since I’m incapable of letting things go, I’ve been dwelling on it.  Coming into this relationship with my military sweetheart, I knew that the views of his coworkers and fellow soldiers would be somewhat more conservative than his or mine.  I also knew that being involved with one of the army’s men would include me in the tightly woven community that’s formed on any military installation.  Knowing all of that it should have come as no surprise to learn that our decision to remain unmarried and rent an apartment together has met with some opposition.

I respect the differing opinions about when it’s appropriate to live with a romantic interest and I won’t lie, I definitely form an opinion when someone tells me that they’re saving themselves for marriage.  But why am I choosing not to save my “living with a boy cherry” until marriage?  Well first off, I popped that cherry (I’m nearing my one year anniversary of breaking it off with my previous live-in boyfriend).  And I can safely say that it’s a damn good thing that I didn’t decide to marry him before we lived together.  All the things I thought would change – his magpie/hobo/packrat tendencies, cranky mornings, and low libido – never did.

In all truthfulness, I have wanted to get married.  My modern sexuality and independence have no say when it comes to the old school Romantic residing in my head.  Getting married would make most of the practical aspects of my move to Honolulu disappear.  But my amazingly practical partner and I both know that the emotional stress of marrying one another after less than a year of long distance dating would be overbearing.  In the end, we just want to be together.  Sure, relocating my life (and books) across an ocean is a huge ordeal.  But if we are half as happy together as I think we will be, it’ll all have been worth it.

So, I hate to offend . . . well maybe I don’t actually.  But this is just the way it is.  My old school romance is taking a back seat on this one and letting her wild and crazy sister, Spontaneity take the wheel.  I can’t wait until they find out I’m bisexual.  And poly . . .

Moving to Honolulu

14 Apr

Portland is rainy today.  I’ve been assured that Honolulu is just as wet as the Oregon city I’ve come to love and call home and maybe that will make the transition easier for me.  Or maybe it will just make me homesick.  There’s no way of knowing just yet.

So, why am I leaving?  Because I fell in love with a boy I’ve known all through college.  A boy that tried to get me out of my reclusivity as college freshman and failed miserably.  A boy who has always remained my friend even when I don’t deserve it.  He’s been in the military for the last few years as a computer guy (I’m not allowed to know exactly what he does).  We re-met and fell in love right before he was stationed in Hawaii back in September.

After seven months of long-distance loving, we’ve decided to take our relationship to the next level.  Since I’m not currently in school and I’ll be leaving my job as a full time barista at the end of spring anyway, it’s a reasonable step to make.  Did I mention that we’re in love?

I’m happy and terrified in the same breath and I think I finally realize what it’s like to have cold feet. Stubborn as ever, I’ve decided that I’ll take the plunge regardless of these last-minute panic attacks.  As my boss put it when I broke the news, “You will regret this for the rest of your life if you don’t go.”  I’m sure that he’s right.

Honolulu, here I come!  Watch out art stores, sex shops, cafes, and hipsters.  The next two years are for you (then Portland has to take me back).  I’m hoping for feminist sex shops, lesbian bars, burlesque shows, and bondage.  If anyone reading this can hook me up with an alternative news source or some sexy sex blogs that come from the islands, I’d be eternally grateful.

This move is, and always will be, about a boy.  If things don’t work out, then they don’t work out and I come back home.  But either way I’ve got to have something to keep me busy while I’m out there.  After reading  Shameless I’ve been inspired to go to workshops and work on my contributions to the field of sex positives.  I’m sure that if Oahu doesn’t already have a bumpin’ sex culture, it’s going to have one before I leave.