Archive | July, 2011

Sexy Bunnies

10 Jul

Miss February

There’s nothing quite like Powell’s (the epic city block of new & used books in Portland) but with all the rain and potential beach-time in Hawaii, I’ve had to quest for island bookstores for some cheap, ratty paperbacks to brave the elements.  Of the places the boyfriend and I have visited so far, Rainbow Books & Records is the only one that has something Powell’s lacks: le porn.

Tucked away in the back of Rainbow (not a gay bookstore, alas) is a fairly sizable wall of porn stocked with used magazines, VHS tapes, and DVDs.  The VHS tapes were a tad dusty but the DVD section was pretty well stocked with your typical cheesy porno selection.  But the magazines…were fabulous. Most of them were totally old-school and damn cute. If it weren’t mildly creepy buying the equivalent to a used, glossy tubesock, I would have walked out with an armload.

I’ve never been one for getting my porn in hard copy, but last week while zoning out to a few of my friends killing zombies on their xbox, I grabbed a Playboy mag from their coffee table and started flipping through (if I’m gonna be bored, I might as well be bored and horny).  If you’ve never tried to read a Playboy I’ll save you the disappointment right now: there are maybe ten pages of porn.  Maybe.  The rest is skeezy ads and side-(fake)boob.  But! There was a saving grace: the old-school playboy bunnies in the middle.

Furry, curvy, and real, the bunnies from the fifties and sixties were adorable.  Their backdrops and settings were less trucks and American flags and more libraries and living rooms and their makeup was meant to look theatrically sultry, not streetwalker slutty.  What’s funny to me is that I don’t feel like “natural” women were more mainstream then than they are now.  Isn’t it funny to think that though we’ve made huge steps towards gender equality, the women appearing in porn now are more unrealistic than the one’s we see back in the 50s?  Not that I’d say these ladies are at all average, and they’re fake in their own ways, but their bodies seem a whole lot more attainable to lil’ ol’ me.

Anywho, off the soapbox and onto le sexy bits.  If you’d like to gander at some sexy ladies, I regret to inform you that I couldn’t find the segment in Playboy online that I looked at last week, but I did come across this album, which is perhaps a tad hotter.  Enjoy!

Sex On Le Beach

5 Jul

Day Three on Oahu and I finally squeezed into my bikini and convinced the boyfriend to chauffeur me up to Hale’iwa for a dip.  Our favorite beach (okay, so I’ve only been there once) was almost empty and the smell of a few bonfire barbeques and the salty sea had my libido rearin’ to go.  Before you get your pants off, there was no sex on the beach.  Not the cocktail, and not the sex.

I’m not disappointed.  In fact, the boyfriend and I have a rule against sex on the beach; I’m not a big fan of crabs and he’s not a big fan of exfoliating his man bits.  I’m sure we’ll end doing it at least once if we stay in Hawai’i for the intended two years, but I’m just not thrilled about it. Sure, it’s romantic, makes for a great sexy movie scene, and it’s pretty much a requirement if you go on a tropical honeymoon, but meh.

Right about now you’re probably thinking this is the most boring sex blogger I’ve ever come across,  but! I am not alone (seriously, click that link.  It’s hilarious).  If you’re still absolutely convinced that sex on the beach is the most totally romantic thing you could possibly accomplish in your sexy life, I have waded through the seemingly endless sea of pornography and cocktail recipes to provide you with an informative how-to link on doing the dirty in the sand.

And  now for some sexy beach action from the movie rendition of From Here to Eternity: