Archive | May, 2011

New Read: The Mistress Manual

30 May

I’m trying to keep things kinky with my next book, The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance.  I’ve never had the honor of working with or disciplining a sub, but I thought I should probably learn the ins and outs of the Dominatrix trade before I start whipping some poor, unsuspecting sub.

Mistress Lorelei (named for Germany’s siren of the Rhine River) works as a freelance writer and editor when she’s not flogging up a storm.  Her website (also titled The Mistress Manual) covers a range of topics on which she offers her opinions, experiences, and advice.

The Mistress Manual deals with “Domestic Discipline” as opposed to “Leather”.  Domestic Discipline (DD) appears to differ from Leather in that the former focuses on pain as punishment and the latter on pain as pleasure.  Though the two can overlap, DD appears to be a more subdued form of Leather with an emphasis on humiliation.  I’ve never come across this term before, but I hope to be better equipped to provide a definition once I’ve finished Mistress Lorelei’s book.

If you’d like to follow along (and make my life MUCH more exciting by giving me some lovely people to discuss the book with when I’m finished) you can buy it here.  (The ebook version is only $9.99 guys!).

Hands Across Hawthorne

30 May

I went.  It rained.  And it was glorious.

We spanned the entire bridge, two people deep at points.  Cars honked and cheered us.  It felt great to be a part of this display of support for the queer culture in Portland. It’s so unfortunate that people still need to fear retribution for displaying affection, especially in the friendly city of Portland.

Among those in attendance were Byron Beck, Sam Adams, and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.  I fell in with a group of activists who made me feel welcome and seemed to know everyone (though I will never get used to fellow queers making off color comments about the LGBT community.  It’s a turn off, even if you’re trying to be humorously self-deprecating).

Portland, you continue to be pretty damn awesome.

Book Review: Living M/s

30 May

Let’s start with the disclaimers.  I’m not an actively aspiring Mistress (or slave for that matter).  I have very little experience in the kink and BDSM scene up to this point and though I like my sex and pornography a little rough around the edges, I’m no Dominatrix (yet).

That said, am I the intended audience for this text?  Probably not.  But I read it anyway (because that’s just the kind of hairpin I am).  So let’s get started.

If you went to the kind of high school that I did, you undoubtedly saw at least a couple of the “goth” kids wearing collars and leashed to their S.O.  Up to this point, my conception of an M/s relationship fluctuated between that image of my 16 year old classmates chained to each other and that of a kinky relationship that takes place in a dungeon and revolves around constant, explicit, BDSM sex.  The latter sounds pretty damn hot (though I’m pretty sure I’d get tired of it after a few hours) but neither of those scenarios match up with the truth behind an M/s relationship as shown by Dan and dawn in their book.

Master and slave, all day, all night, all year, Dan and dawn have found a way to live their healthy, fulfilling lives in the context of a Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship.  Sure, it took me a good twenty pages to stop cringing whenever I saw dawn’s name spelled with a lowercase ‘d’ and hearing her refer to her husband as Master Dan was hard to swallow at first.  But try as I might, I couldn’t find an aspect of their relationship that was unhealthy.  In fact, my biggest beef with this book was that so many of the elements they stressed as integral to an M/s relationship were things that should be present in ANY healthy relationship.  Honesty, growth, trust, respect? If you don’t have those in any relationship, you’re doing it wrong.

In my eyes, an M/s relationship is a separate but equal phenomenon to it’s vanilla counterpart.  dawn had a negative experience in her vanilla relationship before realizing that she was better suited to be a slave in an M/s relationship.  But that doesn’t surprise me.  If I had started off in an M/s relationship and inevitably decided it wasn’t for me, I would be dissatisfied with that model.  That doesn’t entitle me to make derogatory statements about the M/s lifestyle as a whole, especially if the Master I had chosen didn’t cultivate a healthy environment for a relationship.

dawn says:

“In a vanilla context, we are discourage from asking for what we want (it’s seen as pushy and impolite); at the same time, we are equally pressured not to refuse someone elses desires (even if we believe doing so would be against that person’s best interest or that of the relationship).  Self-sacrifice is promoted as honorable.”

If that’s what a healthy vanilla relationship looks like then I must be doing it wrong because that description couldn’t be farther from my truth.  Even if I’m not the intended audience, bashing the vanilla lifestyle doesn’t need to happen in order to promote M/s.  As I said, they’re both valid for different people and neither one is more open to corruption than the other.

But that’s just one section of the book.  From the rest, I learned a number of interesting tidbits.  As for the difference between M/s and BDSM, I learned that the former is a lifestyle while the latter is a way to play.  Collaring ceremonies are a beautiful version of a commitment ceremony but aren’t necessarily the same as marriage.  Leather and M/s are two separate entities (I’ll be talking about that in my next post so I’ll leave it at that) and just because you’re a slave doesn’t mean you don’t have a life and passions outside the home (dawn, for example, is an ordained interfaith priestess and has recently returned to school to receive her degree in psychology).

dawn says:

“Because of my Master’s support and his belief in me, I’m able to do most anything to which I set my mind.  I have power;  he has power – and he has control.  So although I have power, it is through his control that I experience that power, under his protection and guidance.”

That works for her and all I can say is, rock on!

I don’t have the space in this post to talk about everything that Dan and dawn touch on (you’ll just have to read their book for yourself).  It takes a lot of space to talk about the complexities of any relationship and theirs is as complex as any other (not to mention the bias they’re working against).

This being their first book as a unit, I hope they continue to share their experiences with the world.  Their next book could certainly do with fewer exclamation notes and slightly better organization (anecdotes were repeated a number of times and the chronology of their relationship was unclear to the point that I had no real context in which to place many of the individual the stories they shared), but it promises to be as intriguing as the last.

To learn more about Dan and dawn Williams and their relationship, check out their website, Erotic Awakening where you can listen to their podcasts and get in touch with their community if you so desire.  To Dan and dawn, thank you for sharing your experiences with the rest of us!  I look forward to seeing more of what you can accomplish.

Note: the screen name Mistress Pineapple is not my attempt at mocking the M/s lifestyle but rather a way for me to dig the concept of having a title (such as Marquis, Count, Duke, etc).  I shoulda been born as landed gentry in the eighteenth century, man…

Return to Erotica

27 May

I started writing erotica in the seventh grade.  Fancying myself a writer, I spent hours crafting emo vampire stories on the family computer.  I wrote whatever made me happy.  Writing fiction gives you a feeling of ultimate power.  You control the plot, the characters, the feelings.  The world is basically at your fingertips.

After a few hours of ruling my fictional world, the story would inevitably turn to sex.  Power always goes to my pants.  Anyhow, once things git racey I would shut down the computer and traipse up to my bedroom with pen and paper.  Propped up in bed (door open and lights on, as per the rules) my characters would carry out the darkest sexual fantasies that a thirteen-year-old virgin can come up with.

These clandestine writing sessions always ended in me rubbing myself to orgasm through my jeans.  I didn’t know what a clitoris or an orgasm were at that point (I didn’t learn those things until well after my eighteenth birthday), but I knew that if I wrote about sex for long enough, I could experience something more powerful than anything I had ever felt, even if I was overwhelmed by a vague sense of guilt afterwards.

After each conclusion, the little notebook with my fantasies would be tucked into the back of my closet behind the Barbies.  It seemed like a great hiding place until my mom uncovered it while she was cleaning.  Thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed, I shredded each and every page and flushed them down the toilet.  That remains one of the most prominent memories in my life and that feeling of shame still shapes my life.

Despite being found out by my mom, I tried my hand at erotica a few times after that; Sometimes my parents found it and sometimes they didn’t.  But after a while I realized that no matter how much my writing improved, I’d never be able to publish any of it without shaming my family.  So I stopped.

Years later (a couple of days ago), I sat down to type up a fantasy that had been bouncing around my head.  Keeping this blog must have lowered my inhibitions, because out it came. Juicy page after juicy page poured out until I had to stop and find my vibrator.

I’m not trying to blame my family for a lack of support for my erotica.  I grew up with amazing parents who gave me a very happy childhood.  But now I’ve grown up (who am I kidding?  I am the worst adult ever…) and I’m rediscovering my fantasies.  Sure, I’m still kind of a crummy fiction writer, but I am having a ball!  I’m still trying to decide if I want to post my fiction here on this blog or submit it to literotica, but I’m sure I’ll fill you all in as soon as I decide.

Link for Giggles

24 May

Just for giggles.

Currently Reading…

24 May

…a slightly scandalous book.  Put away your bibles and take a deep breath before you get sassy.

Ms. Sex eLibrarian is currently reading Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships by Dan and dawn Williams.  Lacking an understanding of a power exchange lifestyle and the ways in which kink, BDSM, and leather can play a constant role in the day to day lives of normal people, the Librarian has decided to enlighten herself.  She is not interested in entering into a total power exchange relationship, nor is she entertaining the idea of donning a permanent collar.  But please remember that there would be nothing wrong with her doing so if that were her intention.

If you’re terribly scandalized, in all honesty you’re probably reading the wrong blog.  You can either go buy a tub of Ben & Jerry’s to sooth the pain, wait until my review is posted, or read the darn book yourself before forming an opinion.

If you’d like to follow along and read about the happy Master/slave marriage of Dan and dawn, you can find their book here.  The Librarian and I look forward to discussing it with you (or rambling on endlessly to an empty room) so break out those bookmarks and put on your sexy reading glasses because things are about to get a lot less vanilla.

The Story of O

22 May

Having finished this book only last night, I’m still reeling from the emotional turmoil that it tossed me into.  As previously mentioned on this blog, I’m a shade dramatic (especially when it comes to books!) but the Story of O is enough to make just about anyone crave a warm embrace and cup of tea. That said, I need to get this out and make peace with this piece.

I was often aroused by reading about the torments and enslavement of O (frequently guiltily so).  Subsequently enraptured by the philosophy of O’s mind, perhaps I was feeling the same duplicity that O herself felt:

“It was this same mouth which half gagging on the hardened flesh which filled it, murmured again, ‘I love you’.”

Guilt from the pleasure I took in O’s submission is likely what fueled my hunger for each ensuing page.  Like O, I was bound by it, and when we are bound, we’re given the freedom to experience that which we would ordinarily be forced to balk at; we are forced into to scorn by societal norms, our morals, and a universal right to self respect.  Again, like O, I realized that being “bound” granted me the freedom to enjoy those things and keep my love of self in tact.

“Beneath the gazes, beneath the hands, beneath the sexes that defiled her, the whips that rent her, [O] lost herself in a delirious absence from herself which restored her to love and, perhaps, brought her to the edge of death.”

This masterpiece abandons the carefree philosophy of the free-fall beginning and transitions into a sort of medieval asceticism towards the middle, wrought with religious overtones and punishment…

“[O] considered herself fortunate to count enough in [Rene’s] eyes for him to derive pleasure from offending her, as believers give thanks to God for humbling them.”

Call me blasphemous, but that is some powerful stuff, O.

In the final throes of this novel, we are invited to find pride when our heroine fully does:

“…[O] liked the idea of torture, but when she was being tortured herself she would have betrayed the whole world to escape it, and yet when it was over she was happy to have gone through it.  Happier still if it had been especially cruel or prolonged.”

And we find peace in our irons with O as well (I, personally, find the following excerpt – especially the second half -to be the most moving and telling passage in the entire text):

“[The Commander] circled her, studying her breasts, her thighs, her hindquarters, inspecting her in detail but offering no comment.  And this careful scrutiny and the presence of this gigantic body so close to her so overwhelmed O that she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to run away or, on the contrary, have him throw her down and crush her.

So upset was she that she lost control and raised her eyes toward Sir Stephen, searching for help.  He understood, smiled, came over to her, and taking both hands, pulled them behind her back, and held them in one of his.”

So, yes, I have ignored the Sapphic elements of this text.  And I’ve glossed over SO MUCH that it’s not even funny.  But, as I continue reminding myself, this is not an academic paper and I have no one to please but myself.

If you’re excited by the idea of spoilers, I’ll venture to say that the ending (which is only a POSTSCRIPT) is tragic, heart-wrenching, and intense.  It followed just what my lover told me when I started; the Dom will love his slave until he gets everything from her that he can. (Yes that was way too gender specific and I assume generally untrue in the real world.)  But in a way, it helped me to let go.  I’m no more inclined to embark on a 24/7, Master/slave journey than I was a week ago (not to say that’s an illegitimate way of life for some people).  In the end, however, I feel as though I’ve spent a few hundred pages inside the heart and head of a sub.  And I loved every bloody minute.