My Life Is a Competition

It’s that time of year when we’re all promising ourselves, our friends, maybe even our houseplants that we’ll be better people. I was too busy gorging myself on a How I Met Your Mother marathon to remember to make myself any resolutions before now. I probably would even have forgotten to celebrate if my guy hadn’t been so jazzed about it.

So sure, it’s well into the first week of the new year, but can it ever be too late to set impossibly high goals for yourself? Nah. So this year I’ve decided to dial down my competitive streak a little bit.

Tags: houseplants, magical powers, new pants

Burlesque Performance Art

In the wildly unpredictable fever of celebration, one can only hope to stumble into a pocket of carnivalesque conviviality.  Such a pocket was uncovered by the pineapple crew on New Years Eve when we retired from Mercury to the heavenly beer haven of Bar35.  Rounded the dingy corner into the main room, we were greeted by the sight you see captured below.

Violetta at Bar35 by Mister Pineapple

From the moment I moved to Oahu from the sexy city of Portland I’ve been encouraged to catch a show by the Cherry Blossom Cabaret girls, Oahu’s resident burlesque dancers.  Chalk it up to laziness but I just couldn’t find the time to seek them out for a show.  Lucky for moi, the fates were kind this New Years Eve.  Though I missed the main Moulin Rouge show at The Venue the performance art style display at Bar35 was enough to have me coming back for more.

Tags: Bar35, burlesque, burlesque dancers, cabaret, Cherry Blossom Cabaret, honolulu, New Years Eve

Keep That Sparkle In Your Eye

With the shiniest holiday of the year come and gone, that sequined party dress perhaps still crumpled at the foot of the bed, it feels like ages until sparkles will be a main fashion staple again.  But just because the ball has dropped on a fabulous new year doesn’t mean that the bedroom can’t have a little bit of glitter for that everyday sexy time.

My sparkly friend?

This little wonder makes me feel like a kinky Cinderella and it embodies the thing I love most about what each passing year brings us in sex toys.  No longer do I have to walk into a store in search of something to tickle my fancy and worry about whether that pink novelty vibrator is going to electrocute my labia off.  I have the power to not only buy a sex toy that looks like it belongs to Barbie, but one that’s made of 100% medical grade silicone.

What better way to start the new year than with safe, beautiful toys?  Especially toys that have a little glitz.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to 2012.

Tags: butt plug, glitter, sex toys, sexy time

Sexy & Sensible Celebration Checklist

It’s that time of year again and we all want to bring in the new year with a sexy-sultry bang-bang.  Whether you’re busting out the itty bitty lingerie or the special occasions bondage box, there are some important things to remember when you’re going out and going down on this festive night.

Tags: cock ring, condoms, lube, New Years Eve, responsible celebrating, sex

My Madam December

My lady-hero of the month of December: Helen Mirren.  Sure, it’s the 30th and most of the month is gone, but it’s not January until everyone puts on their shiny clothes and gets a little crazy goddammit (and hopefully none of us are doing that until later tonight).

You see, Mirren is just a little…notorious and damn if I don’t love that about her.  I mean seriously, who has the ovaries to pose naked in a bathtub for NYMag, let alone post naked at all at the age of 64?  And this was after cavorting in a bikini at the age of 63 and, if I may say so myself, totally working it.  Here’s one of the gutsty photos for your viewing pleasure if you haven’t already born witness to it’s glory.  Ah, I’m in love.

Tags: bathtub, December, heartstrings, Helen Mirren, Love Ranch, madam, tv miniseries

Keeping It Classy: Swimsuit Porn

How does a lady keep it classy when summer is a 365 day affair and she’s surrounded by beaches?  By resisting the siren call of the super string bikini? Avoiding eye contact with any sunscreen lower than SPF 35? By being stronger than that $30 swimsuit that practically threw itself at her in the clearance racks? Yes, yes, and well, I may not have resisted that last one.

I digress.  This post is a bit porn for my readers who are in the the colder temps of the PNW and whose current beach plans are about as likely to involve a bathing suit as they are a talking dog.  It’s also porn for those of us who don’t have piles of cash to blow on a beachside ball gown.  A girl can dream, can’t she?

Tags: beachside fashion, curvy, swimsuits

Babies and Les Cigarettes

Le Smoking Uterus by Mistress Pineapple

Tags: cigarettes, fertility, healthy pregnancy, smoking